


Divinità

by golden_barnes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Also grumpy Bucky, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/golden_barnes/pseuds/golden_barnes
Summary: Divinità. A deity. A goddess. One that Bucky has only seen 3 times before and now he can’t get Y/N out of his head. So he decided to put an idealized version of Y/N in his books. But what will happen when he gets to meet the real Y/N? Will you still be his deity?
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I (loosely) based this off the Dante Alighieri and Beatrice Portinari story but with a modern twist.

##  _Past:_

##  _The first time he saw her:_

James Buchanan Barnes hated the center. And he made it goddamn clear that it was the worst and that he rather be anywhere else than there. After coming home from his last tour, with one less hand, Sam and Steve decided it would be for the best that he went to the Military Rehabilitation Center. He understood why they wanted him to get help and it wasn’t like they forced him, he truly wanted to get better. He was grateful that they cared about him so much to help him. And the center helped him a lot. He was getting fewer nightmares. The nurses were nice. He likes his physical therapist, even though he thinks that she underestimates him. But he is making some progress, more than anyone in the center. The food is decent, a lot better than what he ate when he was stationed. He liked going to the small library that they had in the center. There was a little park next to the center that he likes to go for a run in the mornings. He was finally starting to feel normal, or rather as normal as he could possibly get. 

His psychologist, on the other hand, is a nuisance. It wasn’t that he is a bad guy, it’s just that Bucky hates talking about himself and he swears the psychologist is out to get him. Sam thinks that he is just being dramatic but he still claims that he hates him. He recommended (even though Bucky says that he ordered him) to keep a journal. To fuck with him, Bucky decided to write some random things. They were borderline poems but Bucky would never admit that. In one of his journal entries, he wrote about some french fries he ate in Belgium. One time he just rambled about a bluebird. Doc wasn’t pleased with that one in particular.

“You have to write about your feelings, Mr. Barnes. That is what the journal is for.” He reprimanded him in one of his sessions. But Bucky wasn’t going to go down without a fight. That is until today.

His session with the irritating physiologist started normal. The whole “How do you feel Barnes?” and “did you have any nightmares last night or any anxiety attacks?" Which the answer was yes. He didn’t particularly wake up on the right side of the bed. Meaning that this session was getting on his nerves more than usual.

Then there was a knock on a door before he could answer the doctor’s questions.

"Excuse me, doctor. The director told me to come to get you. Apparently, there’s a situation in the lunchroom.” From the door emerged the most beautiful person he has ever laid eyes on. Her presence just filled the room, in a way he has never seen. It was as if she was radiating calmness. For a few minutes, all of his worries and his fears just vanished. His mind was only focused on her. On the way, her eyes were warm and made him feel comfortable. On the smile, she was giving him. _Oh, that smile_. He knew that he was now addicted to it and would do anything to see it again.

_“Behold, a deity stronger than I; who coming, shall rule over me.”_

This was the first thing that came into his mind when she left the room with the psychologist. That night when he wrote in his journal, he wrote about her. 

Veteran’s day in the center wasn’t as fun as a lot of people think it is. It would be crowded with family members. Kids would bring their toys to show them to their grandparents. There would be a cookout outside for all the vets and their families. Even fucking games, there were little challenges and shit for the families to have fun with. The ruckus was too much for Bucky. Bucky always made it a point not to celebrate this holiday.

##  _A month later;_

##  _The second time he saw her_

“First of all, it’s dumb. If you wanted to do something for the veterans, maybe you should give the centers more money to operate. And, I don’t know, make more fucking centers. Second, of fucking all, why make so much noise? Seriously, can’t we have ONE silent holiday?” He once told Sam and Steve. To which Sam replied with a “stop being such a grumpy motherfucker”.

This year, he decided to hide in the library instead of his room. He wanted to finish this new book Steve brought him in peace and quiet. And since the library was on the other side of the rehabilitation center, he knew it was gonna be his little safe haven. What he didn’t expect was to see her there.

He stopped at the entrance, astonished and amazed. With a flowy flower dress and peonies in her hand. She was looking at the books that they had. Running her fingers over the spines of the books. _Why would she have flowers? Why was she here? Was she staying?_

She turned around to see him and gave him the same addicting smile that she gave him the other day.

“I thought I was going to be the only one here. I was just looking at the books. Don’t worry I’m going to leave.” Bucky swears her voice is like honey to his ears. His senses were overpowered by the smell of her perfume. _Was that vanilla? Or was it cinnamon?_ He couldn’t guess. He was stuck there. He couldn’t talk or move. She gave him another warm smile, one that made her eyes crinkle a bit. Bucky would bet anything to have her permanently smile like that.

“Oh before I leave, here’s a flower. Happy veteran day. Thank you for everything” She gave him one of her peonies. Their fingers slightly touched and Bucky felt a small shock. He probably looked super dumb to her. With widened eyes and his mouth slightly opened, he probably looked like an idiot. _Damn it Bucky, she might think that you are a creep._

She smiled again and pointed at the door. Fuck, I haven’t moved from the entrance. She can’t pass. _Way to go Barnes!_

“Thank you, soldier.”She winked at him. But little did she know that he wouldn’t stop thinking of her wink. 

_Another one for the journal, I guess_. He thought letting his mind run wild with the image of her.

James Buchanan Barnes was consumed by two thoughts. Number one, he had finished all his physical therapy and his nightmares and panic attacks were less, but he was much better at dealing with it. So that means that it was his last week at the center. He was so happy. He has already said goodbye to all the nurses, his doctors and he even said a nice goodbye to his insufferable psychologist, who he in the end grew to like. He was packing all his things and was waiting in the reception area for Steve to pick him up.

##  _Two months later;_

##  _The third time he saw her_

His second thought was her. He hadn’t seen her since that Veteran’s day where he acted like an idiot in front of her. _Fucking damn it._ But he couldn’t stop thinking of her. Almost every night since then, he kept writing about her. It was like his brain was trapped in a box, captured until he wrote out everything he could about her. He never even formed a formal conversation with her, but he still couldn’t help but think about her. About how her presence soothes him. How her smile filled him with joy. How the flower she gave him was the most important thing he has ever received. Hell, he learned how to press flowers and made them into his bookmark. 

“These last entries were really good Mister Barnes. It is like something I would see in a poetry book.” His psychologist once noted. And he couldn’t help to agree with him. She had become his muse. And I don’t even know her name.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. As if Bucky called her with his mind, she appeared. With the same heart-melting smile and the brightest aura. The receptionist even smiled when she saw her. She walked in, and the room got lighter. _Can a human glow?_ Because Bucky thinks that she is glowing as if small specks of glitter were emanating from her body and reflecting back at him. _Did it make sense?_ Not one bit, but Bucky couldn’t describe it any other way. 

“Good morning Y/N. I was beginning to wonder when you were going to show up again.” Y/N let out a soft chuckle at the receptionist’s words. She reached to sign in the sign-in list. 

“Buck! Hey buddy, ready to go?” Steve had walked in and Bucky hadn’t even noticed

“Ye-yeah. Let’s go” Grabbing his bags, he started to walk out the center. But not without giving Y/N one last look.

If salvation had another name, Bucky would bet his life that it was Y/N.


	2. Musa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Muse) Bucky was shocked when he saw his muse at his book presentation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't edited anything, so excuse the errors. I started writing it on Tumblr but I still don't know what to do with it.

##  **6 years later,**

“Thank you all for coming to the release party of my new book “Daybreak”. Yeah. Uhm I am not a speaker, I am more of a writer.” The crowd laughed at his little joke. Bucky let out a little chuckle.

“After I released Longing, I never expected it to be such a hit. I just thought this was gonna be swept under the rug. But that wasn’t the case. Anyway, I hope everyone has fun reading Daybreak. The same amount of fun, it was to write it. Thank you for the support and enjoy the party.” Bucky handed the microphone to Steve who patted him on the back. Steve smiled at his friend, proud of his achievements. Hell, even Bucky was proud of how far he has gotten. Who would have thought a veteran with a metal arm would end up in the New York Times bestseller? 

A year after leaving the Rehabilitation Center, Bucky found himself writing everyday. But it wasn’t his thoughts anymore. He found himself constructing another world. Different from the one he was living. It wasn’t that his life was bad. He had Steve and Sam as his roommates. He helped Steve with his bookstore. He got really good at baking (Sam would often call him Betty Crocker when he got into his baking mood). Steve talked to his friend Tony Stark and got him to make Bucky a metal prosthetic, which was a great help in his quest to establish a sense of normalcy. But he still had some anxiety. Some days were worse than others. Some days he was a little bit of a social butterfly, some he won’t leave his room if it isn’t to raid the fridge and go to the bathroom. 

But writing Longing made it easier for him. It was his little happy place that he had created, controlled and decorated to help him escape. The story of a man who gets lost in the forest then is rescued by a woman that resided in a cabin in the middle of the woods. Long story short, she saves him from dying alone in the forest and helps him feel a lot better with himself. 

“Is Longing biographical?” He was often asked. And he would always say it wasn’t. Because explaining that he wrote it about a woman named Y/N who he saw three times and never talked to her but she was constantly invading his thoughts would be very difficult. It was hard to explain to his best friend. Sam and Steve looked at him as if he was stalking her but in their defense, it was really weird. But writing about her calmed him down. Even remembering her voice could soothe him when he was having an anxiety attack. It was like nothing he has ever experienced before. If he focused enough, he could still feel her warmth overtake the room. 

Was writing a second book about her and her being an angel, healthy? No. Did that stop him? Absolutely not. Did he regret it? Maybe, once he saw Y/N walking into the coffee shop.

_Why was she doing here? Does she know about the books? Oh my god, she knows and she is going to sue him and curse him out. Damn it Barnes, you knew this wasn’t a good idea. Why the fuck did you do this? Idiot._

Bucky felt his hands getting clammy. But he also felt calm. Again, it was her presence. It soothes him, but also makes him anxious. She walked in with the biggest smile. The heart melting smile that was brighter than the sun and all the stars. She was walking but Bucky swore he sees her floating with every step. He saw her smiling towards one of the patrons of the coffee. Her friends maybe. Y/N ran towards the other woman and gave her a hug. _Yeah , they were friends._

“Ay Tinman. What are you looking at?”Sam snapped him out of his little day dream. Sam noticed where he was staring and gave me a smirk.

“C’mon. I’ll introduce you. They are really nice. ” Before Bucky could protest, he was being dragged by Sam. Bucky made a sound of annoyance but he knew it wouldn’t stop Sam from possibly embarrass him in front of Y/N.

Bucky found himself in front of her. _I hope she doesn’t recognize me. I mean she won’t._ After his first book premier, Bucky’s manager was pretty adamant of him getting a change of look. His long locks were cut and his beard was trimmed. Back when he was living at the Rehabilitation Center, he kept his hair long and usually in his face and he also barely did anything to his beard. Change. Bucky didn’t really enjoy change. If it wasn’t for Natasha, he would still look like that.

Y/N turned her head and looked directly at him. Warmth spread across Bucky’s chest. If her smile could melt Bucky, her eyes were like rays of sun. _Why is she so warm? Why does it feel like I am burning up? Oh can she see me sweat?_

“What are you two professor doing here? On a school night? Aren’t we in midterms? Out here partying when you should be grading.” Sam teases. Both women laughed. _And oh how she laughs. Contain yourself Barnes. You don’t need to be more of a creep for fuck’s sake._

“Could say the same to you, Professor Wilson.” Y/N joked. The brunette that was with her rolled her eyes at her two colleagues. It seems like this was the dynamic between them. Bucky couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten up a bit.

“Y/N wanted to come here to get her hands on the book. And she decided to drag me along.” The brunette said. It was Y/N’s turn to roll her eyes. Sam let out a chuckle but also nudged Bucky in the ribs. Which prompted Bucky to give his attacker a pointed look.

“Bucky, this is Wanda Maximoff, psychology professor” Sam said pointing at the brunette who gave him a small smile. “And this is Y/N Y/L/N, literature professor.” Y/N gave Bucky a big smile and extended her hand towards him. But Bucky just stared at her hand, stuck just like the second time he saw her. 

_Fucking Barnes, as always. Freezing up. She might think you are a weirdo. Just shake her hand you fucking idiot._ Bucky extended his hand and shook Y/N. He felt a jolt from where their hands joined. They both looked surprised. _Maybe she felt it too._

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” Y/N said softly. She looked Bucky directly in the eyes. Bucky felt time had slowed down and everyone had disappeared. All his focus was on her. And it felt right for him. 

“Nice to meet you too.” Bucky let out in an even softer tone. Her smile widened at his words. Bucky noticed Sam smirking at them.

“Y/N, did you know that Bucky is the author?” Sam said, still smirking at his buddy.

 _What is he planning?_ Y/N looked at Bucky with wide eyes. She looked shocked. _Oh no, did she hate my book?_

“Oh my. I -uhm- was expecting to meet the author but I didn’t…. I- I love Longing.” When the words left her mouth, Bucky’s heart started to soar. _If she only knew the truth._ Bucky cleared his throat nervously. 

“I am glad you did.. I uhm. Yeah” Bucky put his hands inside his pockets. Sam and Wanda shared a look. And Wanda decided to set up.

“Oh she is downplaying it. She even added it to the syllabus of her class.” Wanda stated. Y/N slapped her friend’s arm. And shushed her. Wanda then looks at Sam.

“Yeah, you should have seen her when she finished it. She didn’t shut up about it.” Sam added. Y/N looked embarrassed. Bucky froze again from what he was hearing. She liked what he wrote. About her.

“I just really like unrequited love stories.” She said looking at the ground. As if she was scared to see Bucky’s reaction. But it actually snapped him out of his frozen state.

“A lot of people don’t think it is an unrequited love story.” Y/N looked up at Bucky when he said that.

“I mean it is though. The man does fall in love with the woman from the cabin but she later tells him to leave once he is healed. He is still in love with her and yearns for her. But she doesn’t seem to feel the same.” Y/N rambles. Bucky looked at her with awe. He never expected anyone to get that. Especially the muse of the book. Obviously telling their story. Well an idealized version of their story.

“See Buck! You should hear what else she has to say about your book.” Sam said.

“I would love to hear it all.” Bucky blurted out. _Oh fuck, that was so quick. Dumbass._ But she didn’t seem to mind. She just smiled at him. Wanda gave her a nudge. Sam had picked pocketed Bucky and grabbed one of his business cards. Before Bucky could get it back, Sam handed it to Y/N. She gave them both a smile and looked at the card. 

“I would love to tell you all. Here’s my card. Maybe after I read Daybreak, I can talk about that one too.” Y/N replied.

“He doesn’t work. He’s more of a freeloader. Y’all can meet up at any time.” 

“Sam!” Bucky punched Sam in the arm while Sam, Wanda, and Y/N laughed. 

“I’ll take you up on it.” Y/N said winking at Sam. Bucky felt as if his head was in the clouds. He felt light. But also he couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sensation of dread in the back of his head. _But if I can push it down, I’ll finally get to meet up my muse._


End file.
